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June 06 2017
nothing says happy birthday like a gloth
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June 04 2017
The number of messages I’ve failed to answer across all my devices and media platforms will be weighed against my soul on judgment day, and I will be cast into hell
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June 03 2017
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March 11 2017
my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”
i googled this bc i desperately wanted this to be real, and guess what…it is.
the dude’s name was su dongpo (also known as su shi). his original poem went like this:
稽首天中天，
毫光照大千，
八風吹不動，
端坐紫金蓮
(Humbly bowed my head below all skies
Minutest lights shine through my deepest bounds
Immovable by strong winds from eight sides
Upon purplish gold lotus I seated straightly by the low mound) (x)on which his friend wrote “放屁” (fart, literally), and you know the rest.
(here’s a chinese source for the skeptics)
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every rose has its þorn
crown of þorns
a þorny þicket
ye olde þorn shoppe
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maradyeries: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. And then the murders began.
sophygurl: Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. And then the murders began.
sunshine-and-the-catsuit: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And then the murders began.
lottiethroughthelookingglass: The phantom of the opera did exist. And then the murders begun.
cosetteskywalker: Maman died today. And then the murders began.
pleasecallmesurely: It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders began.
holyfiremolotov: In 1815 Monsieur Charles-Francois-Bienvenu Myriel was Bishop of Digne. And then the murders began.
sorcyress: In an old house in Paris, that was covered in vines, lived twelve little girls in two straight lines. And then the murders began.
marchek: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. And then the murders began.
under-the-moonlight-tower: “Where’s Papa going with that axe?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.
nandamai: Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. And then the murders began.
bethanyactually: “Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. And then the murders began.
ekjohnston: In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. And then the murders began.
tiger-in-the-flightdeck: In the year 1878 I took my degree of Doctor of Medicine of the University of London, and proceeded to Netley to go through the course prescribed for surgeons in the army. And then the murders began.
Well… Well, it’s not wrong.
valeria2067: Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice “without pictures or conversation?”
And then the murders began.
nana-41175: Scarlet O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were. And then the murders began.
tzikeh: “Jeeves,” I said, “may I speak frankly?” And then the murders began.
tzikeh: Hwæt! And then the murders began.
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March 07 2017
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March 06 2017
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extremschnitzel via ekelias
extremschnitzel via ekelias"why do we even have that lever?"
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why does so much post apocalypse media have people wearing straight up bdsm/fetish gear like. do the kinksters watch the world ending and think “oh boy i can wear my bondage gear in public now”
thats actually exactly what happens
What I wanna know is why the spiky kink warriors are always the bad evil marauders. They might be into some weird shit and unafraid to show it but that doesn’t mean they want to go around killing dudes. They’re a tight-knit bunch. A lot of them are queer. They understand the importance of community.
If the government collapses and all laws come to an end, the people rampaging around killing and looting are gonna be like, frat boys and 4chan rejects. You can mistrust the bondage raiders all you like but they’re definitely the ones you’re going to run to for help when the neoliberal blood cultists and Nazi meme demons lay siege to your survivor enclave. There’s gonna be gayboy berserkers busting up slaver gangs and burning down warboy frat houses. The assless-chaps leather daddies and weird petplay people are gonna be the accidental peacekeepers of the post-apocalyptic world just because they’re the only motherfuckers who understand the importance of consent anymore.
Listen. Don’t come to me asking how to get the secret cadre of bisexual death commandoes to protect your wretched tent village if you’re scared that we might call in the kinksters for backup. I don’t give a shit if they dress up like dogs and spend all day writing poems about butt plugs. There’s assholes out there acting like Vlad the Impaler on a meth bender and you’re afraid of seeing a nipple. Fuck you. If you really want to get rid of the MRA death gangs you’re going to have to accept that a lesbian chainsaw dominatrix or two might be involved. It’s the fucking post-apocalypse my guy we gotta weigh our priorities here
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March 05 2017
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thatsridicarus via sofias
thatsridicarus via sofias
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