hair in my soup

“ One also ends up researching villains in the Marvel universe for use as extras. Man, there are some lame-ass supervillain names out there. How would you like to be the "Abominatrix"? "Flag-Smasher" is not trying to stir up cheap nationalistic fury at all, no sir. Also, really, if your A-game is taking out patriotic bunting, you are not a supervillain. Not even close. "Mister Negative": I think I went out with him once. The guy named "Vindaloo" shoots napalm from his palms, so ... truth in advertising, I guess, but I think a good supervillain name is not the same as your takeout order. "Doctor Glitternight" -- maybe your chief weapon is making your enemies giggle uncontrollably. Worse: "Neophyte." You're going with that? How are you going to feel about that in year ten? Because now you're stuck with it. Might as well just call yourself "Incompetent Newbie" and then try to strike fear in the hearts of men.

"Vague." That is a real one. So is "Rust," who is a member of a group called "The Resistants" and is apparently something you can buy at Ace Hardware.

"Dredmond the Druid" is from Caribou, Maine, and the sadness just deepens from there. He "used the moongem to temporarily become the Starwolf," and then another time he fell into a "Z-Ray pit," and these things convince me that any of us could probably take out Dredmond the Druid given five minutes, a swig of Red Bull and a Dustbuster. "Purple Man" is purple. And he wears purple clothes all the time. So of course no one can find him. But somehow, in one alternate Marvel universe, he is elected president. It just goes to show you. Also, there is a guy whose name is, seriously, "Elf With A Gun." He did not even try. I guess "With a Gun" provides some threat, and if you're an elf you're an elf and maybe you want to own it, but really, were all the other names already taken? Also, his canonical death happens when he is run over by a moving van, which is just pathetic.

But the all-time worst? The all time worst name for a supervillain, maybe for anybody, and this is FOR REAL IN MARVEL? Is "Poundcakes." Who did Poundcakes tick off to get that name? Who is supposed to run in terror from this? You can just see the crowd scene: "Oh my God! Everybody get out of here because Poundcakes -- wait, what?" It's too bad, too, because she's a mega-strong female wrestler who leads a supervillainness group called the Grapplers, which is potentially awesome, but her name is POUNDCAKES. ”